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Saturday, September 08, 2007

A Message From OUR America's Player

  • As with all other posts on bb8dish, we must request that you not copy and paste this elsewhere without written permission. A link is wonderful. Copying and pasting undermines everything we do.

BB8dish is proud to present a Special Message from our resident satirist, our very own America's Player. You've seen him here in the comments section of bb8dish for several weeks now, and we thought it was about time he made the main page... He has some wonderful words of wisdom to impart to us all, and a wonderful explanation of what's to come over the next few days of Big Brother 8. So, without further ado, I present, Our America's Player... as seen in the comments of bb8dish for the past 2 months.
    ***In case the references to satire and having commented here on the blog for several weeks now didn't make it abundantly clear, this is not really from Eric... it's merely written in his voice for your entertainment, while we explain the end game for those who've been asking questions.


 America's Player America, let me state for the record, that I, in fact (and I know this may sound ridiculous) am at peace with my eviction. And although I've left the game earlier than I had hoped, with your help I've earned an additional $40,000 which, quite frankly, puts me in third place.

I'm enjoying my time, as you might surmise, in sequester; however, at this particular time, I am unable to confirm nor deny my exact whereabouts. Just know that I'm still playing for you, America, as I await my instructions from you on who to vote for as winner of Season 8 of Big Brother.

With the double eviction live show which, unfortunately, resulted in the demise of your player, the house is now down to the final four contestants. And, quite frankly, as you have already noticed, things are now moving at a new, and might I add, quickened pace.

When the number of houseguests whithers down the the final four, and I think this goes without saying, the HoH cannot be evicted. For the other three remaing houseguests to be safe, and therefore, to guarantee that they stay in the game, they must fight the good fight and, ultimately, win the PoV competition.

The PoV competition is the final, and (might I add) the most important of the season. The winner of the PoV competition holds all the power.

Since the staff at Allison Grodner Productions refuse to neither confirm nor deny the outcome of this PoV competition, I'll have to use my encyclical knowledge (and by knowledge, I mean insight, or knowing things other may overlook) to ultimately guess and suppose the outcome.

So here goes...

Let's suppose, for argument's sake, that Zach is the new HoH and he (being a panty-munching ogre) decided to nominate Evel Dick and his daughter, Daniele. Since the HoH (Zach) cannot vote, then one houseguest (Jameka) who isn't nominated casts the one and only, single and solitary, vote for eviction.

Unless...

Unless Evel Dick or Daniele were to win the PoV competition. Let us, for argument's sake, suppose (and I think it's a safe assumption) that Daniele won the PoV competition. Clearly she would use the veto on herself. The HoH (Zach) needs to replace the nomination with the only other eligible player, and that is Jameka.

See why this PoV was so important? Not only does Daniele, as PoV winner, guarantee her own safety, but she now becomes the only person casting a vote for eviction. And, in this case, she needs to select between her father, Evel Dick, or Jameka.

Now you don't have to be a Philadelphia Lawyer to figure out who Daniele will be evicting!

Um, Jameka, might I say, fare thee well, and I will see you soon in sequester.

Now the pace of the game changes once more, with only three houseguests remaining, who will now battle it out for the title of the season's last (and, arguably, most important) HoH. This is important, and I can't say this clearly enough, that unlike previous HoH competitions, this time all of the houseguests are eligible to play in the final HoH competition. Even Zach, who is outgoing HoH.

Might I remind you, that this final HoH is never any typical HoH competition. Typically, Big Brother plans a 3-part HoH competition at the end, which takes place over the course of a few days.

The first segment of the 3-part HoH competition has routinely been an endurance competition. The winner of this first leg is safe (for now) and will advance directly to round three. Meanwhile the two losers engage one another to play in the second round. The player who lost the second round has lost, and is out of the running for HoH. But the second round winner advances to play the first round winner and the third, and final, round.

So to make this clear (and by clear, I mean "easily understood") the third phase of the HoH contest takes place, in which the winner of round one competes against the winner of round two. Whoever wins this third round challenge is crowned the new (and final) HoH of the season.

This is extremely important. It is the final HoH who selects who he/she will be evicting, and therefore select who they want to take to the final two.

Well, America, the jacuzzi and and a banana daquiri are calling me. My contact with the outside world is very limited now, and highly monitored. So I need to get back to the sequester house now.

But remember, I'm still playing for you, and look forward to casting your vote during the finale of this historic season of Big Brother!


We hope all of you BB afficionados and newbies have enjoyed our gentle attempt at satire as a means to explain the end game. Again, I repeat, satire.


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55 Comments:

Anonymous im~ said...

Who are ya man?!

Now I want a banana daquiri!

9:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

is this really eric or that person pretending to be eric?

9:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's great Carolyn...you finally found out who bbdish's AP is!!

And just when I thought I was headed for bed, "Houseguests, this is a lockdown. Please go inside and close the sliding glass door."

Oh Holy Cats! What IS this? "Oh Big Brother!"

sts

9:58 PM  
Anonymous Codinome said...

America's Player is such a major tool. Blech!

10:05 PM  
Blogger bobbi said...

I think that was a nice statement he made - he really made no rude or derogatory comments to anyone plus he did explain how the final HOH will be determined. He can't complain since he walked away with 40,000 - and he still has no voice in the final winner only what America says.

10:11 PM  
Anonymous michael said...

what is that?

10:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why aren't we seeing clips from the sequester house this year?

10:15 PM  
Anonymous jen donato said...

that was hilarious, Carolyn. what a creative way of explaining the mechanics of the 3-phase competition. as usual, good job! i enjoyed that a lot. i felt like Eric was really talking to me... i can actually hear his voice in my head while reading the entire thing.

thanks! =)

10:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should put a big disclaimer on this stating it's a joke since a lot of BB sites are thinking it's real.

10:38 PM  
Anonymous im~ said...

Anyone else picturing him getting drunk in his white shorts at the end there? *lol*




ps. Carolyn, i'm jealous of ya! that all i gotta say!

10:40 PM  
Blogger Jaceroo said...

wow I had forgotten we get to vote on the winner...thanks I feel better now. Thanks for the intel BB8. Thanks Eric for knowing all. It went just as you said so far.
Good luck to you and Jess Eric.
Hope to see you next year on the feeds...remember my name...Jaceroo, I will be there.

10:41 PM  
Anonymous Tella said...

OK... Carolyn, my brain is mush after an emotionally draining day. Please remove prior post because I misread what it said. Duh!!!

Still don't believe this is Eric though? Do you know who it is now?

10:45 PM  
Anonymous Marjorie said...

It's not really Eric - I remember Carolyn asking the poster ("America's Player") to post on her MySpace or send her an email telling her the poster's identity.

Great stuff!!

And, great work on the blog, Carolyn. I know I speak for every one who reads ytour blog, but THANK YOU for keeping it up!

11:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard that AP tasks end on August 12th. He doesn't have to vote the way America wants.

11:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, I wanna know too about why we're not seeing any of the sequester house (SQH) footage as we have in past seasons as well as we have on, say, The Amazing Race! Let us in! Let us in! :)

Anyway, I think that AmERICa's Player did the best he could with the situation presented him...and at the VERY least, he got 40K and gets to be, almost simultaneously, in the SQH with Jess. :) WOW, can't wait to see how it all plays out.

-Shell :)

11:17 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

with regard to sequester, we posted that over on the rumors blog a few days ago... here's the link:bb8rumors.

11:30 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

sweet tigress, please repost without your email. i can't remove it in moderation mode.

11:42 PM  
Anonymous im~ said...

Maybe someone can explain.
What would the harm be in everyone knowing about Eric being "America's Player" now that he's out of the running for 1st place?

11:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Carolyn- any way to get another interview with Kris? Im wondering what hes thinking of all this

12:01 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

honestly, i think it would be rather bad form of me to approach him again... given the situation... don't you?

12:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Eric is a massive twitchy tool.

2:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Carolyn- I think you are correct about not interviewing Kris again due to circumstances.
Anon 12:01- I too would like to know how he is feeling and would like him to know there is support out there for him too. They say nice guys finish last, but I'm sure he will find a girl out there that deserves him.

3:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The AP on here sounds just like the person that we all know and love, that had a pallet of TURKEY burgers delivered to his house the other week. LOL!

Carolyn, am I right?

P.S. I loved all your surprises for us! The BBDish wear and Nick's interview. I hate to sound selfish, but is there any other little surprises coming this our way?

We LOVE you Carolyn!!!!!

Diane :)

5:24 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

G'Morning Diane :)

Of course I have more surprises! ;)
Hehehe. What kind of dishchick would i be if i didn't have something up my sleeve?

And as to your guess about who the AP writer is.. Nope. Not not Mr Turkey Burgers...

5:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok so everyone is saying that Kris has kicked Daniele to the curb... probably has... anybody wanna bet that he'll forgive and forget if she wants him back after she has won!?!? Whether it is first or second?!?! I know that sounds bad but come on now how many men and women would run back for the money!

And in all honesty we shouldn't judge, we don't know about their relationship. No matter the situation it has been said by many that people will only cheat (and I'm not saying Daniele did, there is speculation about kisses, and many consider her behavior cheating) if there is a problem in the relationship. Now yes, some would cheat no matter what, but I find it hard to believe that someone would throw away a good, solid loving relationship for someone that they just met. Now I don't know Kris and Daniele but the way things have played out tells me that all wasn't perfect if their world... and that there relationship was lacking something if she so easily fell into the arms of another.

Serena

5:59 AM  
Blogger Evel Girl said...

Good Morning!!

6:24 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Good Morning, Evel Girl :)

You wanna take over today? I'm pooped... and I think I should take a day off and conserve energy for the upcoming endurance comp on Tuesday night...

whaddya think?

Seriously.. i keep staring at the screen willing something clever to come out of my fingertips, and they're not cooperating.

6:27 AM  
Blogger Lynn said...

Are you trying to clarify the game, or did CBS actually release a statement from Eric???

6:28 AM  
Blogger Evel Girl said...

Carolyn- Sure. That would be fun! You deserve a day off!

6:32 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

From the top of the article... for those who somehow missed it...

"a Special Message from our resident satirist, our very own America's Player. You've seen him here in the comments section of bb8dish for several weeks now, and we thought it was about time he made the main page... He has some wonderful words of wisdom to impart to us all, and a wonderful explanation of what's to come over the next few days of Big Brother 8. So, without further ado, I present, Our America's Player... as seen in the comments of bb8dish for the past 2 months."

6:32 AM  
Blogger Evel Girl said...

I know you will come up with something amazing. If you blog it we will come.....

6:34 AM  
Blogger Evel Girl said...

Sorry, saw Field of Dreams not long ago:)

6:38 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

hehehe.. wait.. how'd we go from you agreeing to take over - to me coming up with something amazing - in the time span of 2 short minutes?

6:38 AM  
Blogger Evel Girl said...

Well....idk...lol....I can still take over you just tell me what to do!

6:41 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

on a serious tip.. it's sunday morning... i'm off to have a nice bike ride (which will revive me, since the coffee's not working) and take my mother out to brunch...

kisses to everyone!

6:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Morning Carolyn/All!

Well it was a guess re: Mr Turkey Burger! LOL! Where is he lately? Still sulking that the Princess is gone. I assume... While eating his pallet of Turkey Burgers...

I Miss you Cliff!!!! Come back from the darkside!!! It's nice on this side of the world. I promise!

Carolyn, Go take a bike ride and maybe even the day off If need be! You will be surely missed, but everyone needs "ME" time.

Evel Girl has great commentary, Bring it on!

Have a great day!!!!

Diane :)

6:43 AM  
Anonymous im~ said...

Mr Turkey Burgers?
Did I miss something? Did I sleep longer then expected? Or just an inside joke?

6:43 AM  
Blogger Evel Girl said...

Enjoy your brunch! Have a mimosa for me!

6:44 AM  
Blogger Jessica P. said...

regarding dani's boyfriend...i think it's pretty safe to assume that they are no longer together. i noticed her myspace no longer has a profile pic anymore where it used to have a pic of dani and kris together. it appears he removed all the pics from her profile so i would assume he is no longer her boyfriend.

6:45 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

im~ - mr turkey burgers = cliff

;)

and it's not him.

6:56 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

evelgirl - check your myspace messages

6:56 AM  
Anonymous Liz said...

Commenting on Kris, Dani's boyfriend. She has an online blog and if you read the older entries, from before she and Kris were together -- He and Dani worked together...and they were interested in each other. Kris had a girlfriend...that he was either engaged to or he was planning to propose to. He ended up leaving the other girl because of Dani.

While I'm sure that Kris is a nice guy and I appreciate the hard time he may be having, I don't feel THAT bad for him. At their young ages, relationships end as you meet new people as you settle into life, as his did with his previous girlfriend.

So the same has happened to him now, an unfortunately for him, it unfolded on national TV.

7:10 AM  
Anonymous Liz said...

One last comment about Dani & Kris -- I think everyone keeps forgetting that DANI IS ONLY JUST 21 YEARS OLD! I'm only 31 years old and I had a boyfriend of a few years when I was 21 years old and we both thought we were "serious" -- but guess what, life happens, things change, people change, etc.

7:13 AM  
Anonymous im~ said...

liz ~ aint that the truth...


carolyn ~ ya know after i posted that... i had i thought it would be cliff.. dont know him really, but seemed fitting. :o)

i also have my own personal thought who Our Ap is.. but to not make a fool of myself, i'm zippin' my lips.... and going back to sleep till noon! :o)

7:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Codi -- Didn't u mean in ur post at 10:05 that AP "has" such a major tool.

Hehehehehehe

7:59 AM  
Blogger Cliff O'Neill said...

I sleep and this happens!

Oh, yes, I have been getting the kerosene ready for my pyre. As I lay weeping I shall set them all ablaze and climb aboard that fiery, meat pile for one final ride.

And on the America's Player thing ...

As Carolyn noted, t'ain;t me. I'm not that creative.

Plus my impressions suck. Tough, like, you know, I kinda, you know (eye roll) do this one of this, like, girl I like who, youknowwhatImean, was all, you know, like, into unitards and stuff ...

8:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

liz well said! I mentioned in another comment somewhere else that she is only 21. Where is this blog? I'd like to read, but her myspace is private...

Serena

As far as Kris - if that is true well then what goes around comes around... Karma sucks! I don't feel that bad for him either.

9:05 AM  
Blogger Beth & Eric said...

Quite frankly,that was an enjoyable read!


(And, yes, Carolyn -- clever way to answer those FAQ's! Enjoy your day!!!!!)

9:10 AM  
Blogger Beth & Eric said...

Liz -- I agree about Dani being 21. It explains everything! ;)

9:10 AM  
Blogger JudyD said...

Carolyn thanks again for the great blogs yesterday and today.Love the BB8Dish and our very own American Player.

He really let all of us know what will be happening on Tuesday with the last three comps.I am still routing for a Donato to win this last and very important HOH.

I really was sad to hear we couldn't see the sequester house this year when you posted it earlier.Yet didn't you say they will show a brief segment during the reunion and the night of voting for the winner.

We still do have the real America's player vote for BB8 winner right.So when will we be allowed to vote?

Have a great day and see you back here soon.

Firend to BB8Dish,
JudyD

10:12 AM  
Blogger Bob said...

Conspicuous in its absence, at least in my mind, is no mention by Eric of Jess. Despite their mutual eviction, surely he's happy to be in sequester with Jess. What gives?

10:37 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

BoB - It's a satire piece... Eric did not write it.

10:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

legitimately funny

3:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is eric really a lawyer from philly? someone please give me the answer.

THank you,
SKyler

7:00 PM  
Anonymous April in Alabama said...

I really liked that! Funny, and informative. I could almost hear Eric in my head as I was reading it too. I think there should be a satire from a Jen point of view, I would enjoy that!

8:07 PM  

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